The most frequent question I have gotten since getting married is, “when are you having kids?” I find it so bizarre that everyone assumes that just because you are married you need to start having kids.
For a long time now I have known that having kids was just not for me. I love my freedom to do whatever I want and I definitely don’t see myself giving that up. Many women know at a young age that they want to make a family but I have always dreamed of having a career and traveling. My goal in life was to make enough money to live comfortably and spend the rest of the time traveling and exploring new places. I’m sure many people do these things with kids but for me it always sounded like an unnecessary life expense. I know how harsh that can sound but for someone who truly does not want kids it’s just the truth.
For a long time now society has had this stereotype that after you get married you have kids and that’s just how it is. But for many people that is not the case. Sometimes you just want to get married and live a beautiful life with your partner. You don’t have to have kids to have a family. You and your partner can be a family too.
One of the rudest remarks I ever received when I said “I don’t want to have kids” was from an elderly woman who said, “then why did you even get married?” WOW! shocking to think that some people believe marriage and having kids have to go together.
That is just not the case for everyone and there are plenty reasons why. So let me share with you some of the most common reasons I have gathered from other couples that are married and do not want to have kids.
Reason’s Why Having Kids Isn’t For Everyone
1. Most common reason was- TRAVEL
Out of the couples I asked that were married but did not plan on having kids, the most common reason was freedom to travel without pre-planning for kids and their needs.
This was a big reason for many people as well. With kids comes money. There are added expenses with having a kid and sometimes those added expenses can cause unnecessary financial stress. Many couples spoke about traveling and money together and how they have more freedom financially in general.
3. Alone Time
A common theme many of the couples had in common was valuing alone time or “quite time” to themselves. Many of the couples did not care for hectic lifestyles that normally come with having kids.
4. “I’m too selfish for that”
This was a common phrase many people said when talking about not having kids. Many people did not want to have to worry about someone else’s wellbeing and schedules. Most of the couples I asked were successful in their careers and felt that changes in that were not ideal to their lifestyle.
5. Do not enjoy being around kids
Let’s face it, kids can be messy, fussy, and a hand full. It takes a not of patience and practice to be around kids and keep them entertained and happy. For some people this is not enjoyable and they find those kind of tasks rather daunting and exhausting.
6. “I don’t want to raise a kid in today’s world”
This is a sad comment but a common one. Many couples felt like today’s world is not a great environment for kids and they felt bad about bringing a child into that.
Believe it or not, but many couples who did not want to have kids felt like kids would be an unnecessary strain on the relationship and would lead to divorce. Some couples referred to the rise in divorce in today’s society as a deterrent from having kids.
8. Not wanting to be responsible for another person
Having to raise a kid and make sure they turn out to be a good person is a huge responsibility and some couples felt like they were not up to the task.
9. Kids are too messy
Well I cannot argue with you there. Kids can be messy and a lot to deal with. If having a bunch of mess in your home or life would cause you anxiety, you would probably avoid it too.
This is probably one of the biggest reasons for me on why I do not want to have kids. I am a clean freak and I like my house to be organized and tidy at all times. The thought of having random toys and things laying all around just gives me anxiety lol! I do not know how parents handle the idea of a “playroom” filled with toys everywhere. Yikes, that’s a definite no for me lol!
A common theme around many of these other points was freedom. Many of the couples wanted general freedom in their life to do activities or hobbies that did not involve kids. They also spoke about career and financial freedom as well and how kids would interfere with this.
Now, I’m sure if you are a parent and are reading this you might be shocked because you cannot image your life without your children. But for many couples all they have done is imaged a life WITHOUT children and this is where they are coming from.
I definitely agree with many of these points made by other couples without kids. I too value my current lifestyle and do not feel like kids would fit well into that.
What is all comes down to is that not everyone who gets married, gets married to start a family. For some people getting married to their partner was all the family they needed.